introducing me


Logan made a quiet ‘shh’ noise as he held the boy against his chest now that they’d found his bed. He understood the worried words, asking for reassurance. He kissed the top of his head gently. “I promise, Nick. You’re the only one for me. I’d never ant anyone in my life the same way I want you. I wish I could prove it to you every day, but you’re so far away,” he whispered, running his hands through those thick curls. He was already feeling a bit of hatred towards fate, or god, or whoever controlled their lives, just because he knew that this might be the only night for a long time that he got to hold Nick close to him. And because Nick was upset.

He lifted Nick’s chin gently so that the boy was looking at him. “I love you, Nick,” he said, leaning down to gently catch the other’s lips against his. Sweet, warm lips, like none he’d kissed before. To be honest he’d prefer Nick’s be the only lips he kissed again, if he could simply refuse to kiss people on screen and reserve his lips for Nick only. He’d reserve all of himself for Nick only. As he pulled away he nuzzled against Nick’s neck. “It’s only you,” he said, kissing his neck gently. He moved to just behind Nick’s ear, kissing there as well and whispering, “It’s only you,” again. Logan pressed his lips to his forehead next before tucking Nick’s head under his chin and saying, “I swear to everything, it’s only you.”

Logan found one of Nick’s hands, holding it tightly in his. “I miss you all the time, but I would never replace you, ever. I would hate myself if I did. I wouldn’t be able to wake up in the morning if I did something as horrible as that. Whenever you’re worried, or you doubt that, call me, I’ll answer even if it’s in the middle of shooting,” he said. 

 The younger boy could all but nod, pressing his lips in a hard line to keep from crying again. Why was he freaking out this way? It was some sort of sensory overload, the relief came too quickly after he’d been so upset and now he was just exhausted. Nick let himself fold into Logan’s touch, kissing him back instinctively on all of the right cues. Blindly, Nick groped at Logan’s clothes, holding onto him with all he had. And he believed every word he was saying, the tears slowly ceasing and  his breathing slowing to a quiet lull. “I love you,” Nick said plainly, and he felt like he couldn’t justify how he felt with that one statement. They’d been over this so many times, yet it always came back to the same thing. Nick wondered if he’d ever get used to the distance, to keeping it a secret. It was hard, being so torn up and not being able to explain to your family why you don’t call, or text for plans, why you go in the studio, get your work done, and head straight back home. 

 ”I love you, I do. I want to be strong like you are,” Nick mumbled, finally wiping his eyes entirely dry. “I.. I don’t know, I just. I don’t want you to be my secret,” He whispered, more to the room than to just Logan, like the world was crowded in his bedroom and he was finally getting it off his chest. Nick sat up slowly, his hand wound tightly around Logan’s. “I’m going to tell Joe.” The statement hung between them before Nick was turning, his hands each finding a spot on either side of Logan’s head to brace himself above the boy. “I have to tell Joseph, it’s not fair to you.” Bowing his head, Nick kissed Logan gently, breath catching in his chest at how much better he felt. “I’m going to tell him, baby, and I’m going to stay with him for a bit, so I can see you.” The curly haired Jonas finally quieted himself, lips molding softly to his boyfriend’s.

 Bringing a leg over the other side of the body beneath, Nick straddled Logan, his kisses becoming more firm, yet still sweet, needy. He brought his hands up to cradle Logan’s face, his lips working back along his jaw, and down his neck, taking time to kiss every spot he could. Nick let his fingers ghost up under Logan’s shirt, plucking it off and tossing it to the floor. And it wasn’t lust, it wasn’t overtly sexual. Nick just needed to have him, needed him right then and there and had to make sure the boy wouldn’t disappear from under him. It was five in the morning, how could he be sure he wasn’t asleep? His kiss found it’s way to the Big Time Rush singer’s shoulder and Nick sat back, fingers tangling in the other’s hand as he left sweet pecks down his arm, in the crook of his elbow, over the tender skin of his wrist. Nick folded Logan’s arm against his chest, leaving their hands entwined as he let it rest over his heart. And he just kept kissing him, everywhere, anywhere, muttering sweet nothings against his warm skin. “I’m going to stay for a bit.”


Hours at a time on set over the past god knows how many weeks had easily reduced Logan to something more akin to a zombie than himself. He found sometimes when he was laying in bed he’d turn to say something to Nick, or run his fingers through those curls. It was obvious that he longed for the company of Nick, and worse than the tiredness from filming, was the unsettling worry that at some point, the distance would cause something to crack. Seeing the celebrity gossip was the worst. Whispers of who might be dating Nick made him feel almost physically sick.

Tonight was no exception to the cycle of turning over in search of a warm body, only to be met with disappointment. He wouldn’t dare replace who belonged there with another though. The knock at the door did bring up his hopes, making him almost wonder if he was dreaming, but he stifled those thoughts as he pulled himself out of bed. With his luck it was more likely his manager, or one of the boys here to bug him. Either way he didn’t bother with anything in the respects of clothing, remaining in pajama pants alone as he made his way down the stairs.

He searched for a snide remark to offer in response to the overzealous knocking s he drew nearer. Any progress he’d made on that disappeared though when he was met with the image of Nick, looking rather broken up about something at that. Logan glanced around a little nervously before he let his arms wrap around him in a gentle squeeze. The lips that came next received no resistance. He welcomed the kiss almost desperately, like a drowning man being granted air. It left him a little breathless and stunned as Nick finally pulled away and then moved a little further down the front hall, closing the door behind them.

Logan’s brow furrowed at the announcement of a bad dream, pulling him in close again, his hand moving to run comfortingly through his hair. “You have me now,” he said gently. “Come sleep in my bed. I’ll keep you safe,” he added, kissing Nick’s cheek. It would be a mutually beneficial thing, sharing a bed, because even after these few short moments Logan was feeling less like a zombie and more like himself despite the odd hour of the day.

 Nick let himself fold into Logan’s embrace and it was his younger age that was coming out now as he rocked into his boyfriend, unable to keep himself from crying. It was a similar scene to that of a young boy who’d woken in the night after a nightmare, crying from his mother. But this time, it was the separation anxiety. Those what ifs. Like all the other times, it always came down to one thing — Nick not being good at relying on others, the Jonas unable to feel affection until right now, right here when he’d finally found Logan. On some bullshit television show, at that. “I just.. Please. Please. Just you and me, only you and me and no one else,” Nick breathed, pressing his face into the crook of Logan’s neck. 

 The dream was stupid. The same one he always had. Being a celebrity came with a lot of bullshit, especially when you were a celebrity of the teen heartthrob variety. Both boys fit that particular criteria, and both boys love lives were seemingly far too public for anyone’s comfort. And that’s why any woman who looked at Logan sideways was plastered across boy band news update websites as his new girlfriend, and while Nick knew in his heart it wasn’t true, there was still the part of him that constantly panicked about the distance making Logan as lonely as it made Nick, that made him find happiness somewhere else. And so, he’d have nightmares about it and some nights he wouldn’t sleep. Some nights, this night, he’d take an eleven hour flight just to get some justice. 

 Nick had managed to find his way to Logan’s room, the older man still in his embrace as they stumbled sort of clumsily through the hall and to his bed. With ease, Nick got Logan up into his bed before climbing in after him, curling up into Logan’s side until he was as small as he felt. “Please tell me it’s just me,” He sniffled quietly, his breathing still struggling to even out as he rolled to bury his face in the dimpled boy’s chest.

 Nick couldn’t explain exactly how he got there, but there he was, at 5AM in Los Angeles, with a duffle bag and no pride as he stood at Logan’s door. He didn’t know how it happened. He couldn’t recall exactly what set him off. He couldn’t recall the move to buy the plane ticket, or checking his bag, or sitting through the long flight. All he could recall was that he hadn’t slept and now he was falling apart just a bit, pounding on his boyfriend’s front door at the merciless hour of morning.

 And then the panic started. Because when Nick Jonas was sleepy, he aged backwards. He over worried. The what if’s had officially started — what if Logan wasn’t home? What if Logan didn’t want to see him? What if Logan wasn’t home because he was out with a woman? And what if he’d gone home with that woman and Nick was wasting his time? He should have called. But his phone was dead now and, honestly? What did Nick think he was doing? Showing up like some bad 80’s movie? No. He was at his breaking point. Why he thought it would be a good idea to stick it out until New Years when he’d be visiting Joe, he couldn’t remember. Because it had been since a little bit after Halloween and Nick was becoming less and less himself each day. When did he get so dependent?

 It didn’t matter, because as soon as the door before him opened he was pushing himself inside, onto the body that stood in the doorway. And he couldn’t even confirm if it was Logan or not because Nick was sort of crying now, because he was so stressed out and he just wanted to kiss him. So, if the what if’s were true, and it was some girl, Nick couldn’t tell. He just wound his arms around who was hopefully-most-definitely-Nick-was-just-overreacting Logan and kissed him hard. And then he remembered why he’d gotten up in the middle of the night and flew out here. “I had the most horrible dream,” Nick croaked, stepping back to close the door behind him. It was a miracle he hadn’t been followed. 

posted 1 year ago with 4 notes


I miss you. I miss you so much.



posted 1 year ago with 4 notes

You know, I see things like this and I have the unnerving urge to get on a plane, fly out to LA, and fuck the shit out of him as if I’ll never get the chance to again.

You know, I see things like this and I have the unnerving urge to get on a plane, fly out to LA, and fuck the shit out of him as if I’ll never get the chance to again.